It is essential to allow oneself to feel all the emotions that arise from grief as painful as it may be. A grieving person has two choices: they can avoid the pain and emotions associated with their loss and continue on, or recognize grief and seek healing and growth. Getting over a loss is slow hard work and often, if ignored, continues to cause pain.

Grief has no timetable. Emotions may come and go for weeks, months or even years. While a show of strength is admirable, it does not serve the need to express sadness. So what can you do?

Talk about your loss with people who will listen. Your family and friends are here to support you and although they may not know how to respond, they can certainly be an outlet. Forgive yourself for all the things you believe you should have said or done. It is essential to pardon yourself for the emotions such as anger, guilt or embarrassment you may have felt while grieving. The act of forgiveness can take a lot of pressure off of the mourning process and can allow you to heal more efficiently.

Eating well and exercise can help you sustain your energy. Find a routine that suits you. Clear your mind and refresh your body by taking naps, reading books, listening to music or renting movies. Doing simple things you enjoy can distract your mind and bring you more comfort.

Be sure to try and prepare yourself for holidays and anniversaries. Many people while grieving find themselves becoming especially “blue” during these periods. The anniversary date of the loved ones death can be particularly painful even if you think you’ve progressed. Be sure to make arrangements to be with friends and family members with whom you are at ease. Planning activities to mark the anniversary can be comforting.

Formal and informal compassionate services may be useful to a person who is grieving. These support services can be guides through some of the challenges of grieving as the person adjusts to their loss. Grief and individual counseling can be provided by professionals to help with the healing process. Consult a hospice in your local community, regardless of whether the loved one was cared for by that particular hospice or not. Most hospices have bereavement programs that provide grief support to their community.

Grief Support

Counseling and support services may be useful to a person in mourning. Counseling can guide the grieving through some of the challenges of mourning as they adjust to their loss. Grief counseling can be provided by professionals and self help groups are often available for participants to support one another.

The goal of grief counseling helps someone to understand the natural process of grief. It can provide acceptance and allow the person to adjust to the reality of death. The grieving can receive affirmation for the “normalcy” of feelings and understand the common obstacles and how to deal with them. These services help the bereaved identify and utilize effective coping strategies.

Supporting Family and Friends Who are Grieving

When someone is grieving, all emotions are often heightened. Try to acknowledge their feelings and reassure them their grief reactions are natural and necessary. Do not pass judgment on how well they are or are not coping with their loss. Unfortunately, there is no right or wrong way to grieve or mourn. Knowing your friends or family members may not cope with their loss the same way you would, is important to their healing.

Try to be understanding and accepting to all cultural and religious perspectives about illness and death that may differ from your own. Attempt not to second guess the families decisions, just be supportive. Be specific in your willingness to help. Offer to assist with chores such as childcare or meals and identify friends who might be willing to help with these specific tasks as well.

Lastly, acknowledge life won’t be or feel the same for the person grieving. They also may not be back to “normal” for a while so try and help them renew interests in past hobbies or introduce them to new activities when they are ready.

Supporting a Grieving Caregiver

In order to support a caregiver who is grieving, ask how you can help and listen to what they need. Empathize by saying you are sorry for their loss but avoid saying you understand; even if you yourself have been a caregiver. Express your concern for how the illness has affected them personally.

When care giving ends, it’s normal to feel both grief and relief. A caregiver will often feel guilty about any feeling of relief they may experience. Remind them these feelings are normal and common. Caring for a loved one can be exhausting and the caregiver often does not receive enough sleep and doesn’t eat well. Encourage a grieving caregiver to obtain adequate rest and nutrition. Also try to offer the grieving caregiver to fill their days with meaningful activities. Help them get back into a different lifestyle that is acceptable to them at their own pace.

Grief and the Holidays

For many people, the holiday season is a special time of year marked by festive celebrations and gatherings with family and friends. It’s time to look ahead with excitement to the New Year. For those struggling with the death of a loved one, the holidays are a difficult time full of painful reminders that may magnify a sense of loss. Coping with grief at such a time seems discordant with the world around you.

Hospice professionals suggest planning for the approaching holidays. Holidays are stressful, but the added stress of loss can become unbearable. This can affect someone emotionally, cognitively and physically. This is a normal reaction so make sure to allow yourself to have these feelings if necessary.

Try to remember the holidays may not be the same. Doing things a bit differently can acknowledge the change, while preserving the past. Be careful not to isolate yourself from your family and friends. Take time for yourself but also acknowledge this may be a hard time for the people around you as well. Talk over your plans and share how you feel with your family and friends. They may be more helpful than you know. Be sure to respect other’s choices and try to compromise if necessary.

Most importantly give yourself permission to do what’s comfortable. Whether that is continuing with old traditions while spending time with your family and friends, or trying something different. Whatever you decided, do what’s right for you.

Growth

Grief can be a good opportunity for personal growth. For many people, it may eventually lead to renewed energy to invest in new activities and new relationships. After loss, someone may find new emotional resources that had not been apparent before. Some people seek meaning in their loss and get involved in causes or projects that help others.